Baby It's Cold Outside

For the Christmas spirit. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hEJQbEYjRg&feature=related

Unaware - Midway State

I hate it but I can't help it. When picking up a magazine like Seventeen or CosmoGirl it says "Love yourself! You're great which guy wouldn't want you?! You are beautiful at any size!" Blah blah blah... Then it goes on to show posters of pretty eye candy boys with their shirts off for young girls to put on their wall or whatever. Umm hi? Doesn't anyone think that that it is a complete contradiction? Because it is.

That being said even without ripping out those posters and hanging them all over our room girls still oggle at hot boys, even the ones with dignity. Really how different is it for a boy to have a picture up in his room of a half naked Pussycat Doll (ick!) than a girl to have a poster of a shirtless hunk?

So is the problem that by looking at these pictures of half naked models and singer/actors etc. one is driven to lust for them? Going to a Catholic school I know that they teach us that lusting over someone makes them become less of a person and more of an object. But is it human to lust?

This is quite the topic. And all this being said I just can't help myself sometimes. Check out the bassist for Midway State...

Cute huh? As Sam points out he is basically perfect for me because

a) he has a little build

b) cute cute cute

c) hair like I like

d) he had a sad face on while he played but then when he smiled he lit up the room

e) he is in a band

Well I guess I'm just a walking contradiction. It happens =)

White Horse - Taylor Swift

It always amazes me when I just talk. I never even know what I'm going to talk about. And I'm always surprised when people just listen. These days people really suck at listening, they don't hear you. Sometimes when you hid your deepest darkest secret down for a while and bring it up again and don't exactly spell it out but skip around it, it still makes you feel immensely better. At least it does for me. I don't get how some people keep everything hidden. I hope that everyone in the world has at least one person that they can trust. Trust is a funny thing too when you think about it. What makes you trust someone more than someone else? If they are more loyal do you trust them more? How does someone prove loyalty? Another thing that I am going to have to work on over the next few months is mending broken trust between a close friend. I'm trying though.

Like a Virgin - Madonna

Just a random quiz that I though was fun. I highly suggest that others do this because it makes you feel a little wild and crazy. Which honestly I don't have trouble with, but some of you could break out of your shell a bit...

Start at 100% and subtract 1% for everything you've done. At the end, repost this as"I am ___% of a Virgin at Life".
1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 95%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 90%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 88%

31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 85%

41. Frenched kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 81%

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into some one's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 78%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 73%

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 70%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 64%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

I am 61% of a Virgin at Life =)

Resolution - Jack's Mannequin

It's good to evolve. I mean we evolved from apes some people think, and even if you don't believe that we are certainly more evolved than the first cave people and/or Adam and Eve. We are different people as we grow older than we were as kids, but for someone to pull a 180 in their life is tricky and risky. I know it might seem as though this year I've been the one out of my friends that things haven't changed for as I haven't gone to post secondary or out into the work world or anything. To the outsider I've stayed where I was, but I think I've changed or as cliche as it sounds grown a bit. Being around people who might have seen you in an English seminar back in the day, or bumped into in the halls is not the same as venturing out into the big-bad-high-school-world, especially with those people that become your security blanket. It's like a pack of zebras per say. I'm more out of my element, I suppose we all are, and I feel like I stick out without my pack of black and white striped friends around. But maybe it's the opposite, like people can see me more clearly without all the other strips.

I think things at school are turning out well for everyone. I'm learning how to conduct myself more in the basis of school and less of socializing but I am finding it interesting that there seems to be a formula almost to making friends. Maybe I'm going crazy and have too much math on the brain or I'm so onto something that it's not even funny. I'm also very tired and have a problem with waking up around 4:00 every morning. It must be an internal thing. Like I'm a rememberall just like the one from Harry Potter. Silly enough there seems to be something that I am not exactly forgetting, but am putting off, like Religion. The subject not the actual faith thing. Well I haven't forgotten it at all, it's practically all I think about. Damn I just lost the game...

Affirmation - Savage Garden

I really like grand gestures. I sometimes even like it when everyone stares at me, because I like getting attention sometimes. I like when the wind is chilly in the fall and it blows your hair everywhere and you decide to give up because there's no point in even trying. I like finding weird bands that no one has ever heard of and telling all my friends about them. I love singing in the shower and I don't know all the words to even my favorite songs. Even though I talk a lot there are many things I think and don't ever say. I believe in karma, just not the kind that gives you tumours or anything like that. I always want to know what other people are thinking and am disappointed if when I ask them they say nothing. Everyone is always thinking about something. I think that a triangle is the best shape and I don't like odd numbers because someone always gets left out, ironic isn't it? I don't think Canadians value the importance of freedom. I don't think that you know what love is until you loose it. I believe that everyone is born good and no one's opinion is wrong just because it is different from your own. I think everyone has a secret talent that will stun the world and that they just have to work to find it. I know a few people who have actually. I think that everyone has to make their own mistakes and choices and this helps them become who they are meant to be. I believe in God. I think that people should educate themselves about different cultures instead of being naive. I think that men and women are of equal worth, but it is healthy to have someone wear the pants in every relationship. The problem comes when the other person never gets a chance to be heard. And everyone deserves a chance to be heard. I don't think that you're a bad person if your gay. I really wonder who "they" are when everyone says, "Well they say...". I bet it's all the same person who is making stuff up as they go along, just like the rest of us. I don't like how the idea of perfect exists, but I like knowing that perfect is boring. When people look at perfect things they don't believe what they are seeing so they look for flaws, probably to feel better about themselves. I think it's healthy to express yourself, even if it's not in the most obvious way. I think when you have a deja vu it means that you are following an unwritten plan that exists for your life. I think that every person with the same first name share one same characteristic. I have many theories about the underlying reason people are the way they are. I hope my generation saves the world from itself.

These are just things I am, I like or don't like, I do and I believe in. Just a few... Also I believe in love. And forgiveness.

Last Day of Your Life - Glass Pear

**NOTE: RANDOM PICTURE FROM THE WEB**
(I didn't actually pick it up. Promise!)

So today I cared for Tarren. I love Tarren. She is teeny tiny and she's a fighter. I'm talking about the cute little bird that I found with one wing stretched out from it's body when I came home today. I have seen a dead bird before but what was terrible was how small Tarren is. She is still a baby with soft fuzz around herself and some feathers starting to develop as well. When I sat my bag down and got down to the ground to look at her she looked like she was going towards the light. In a panicked frenzy I called a friend. That conversation didn't go the way I planned at all. And the comment from a certain brother put me over the edge. I how often people give up on animals. Actually even people sometimes! Seriously have a little faith. It's insulting not to. And I'm not even talking about God! Believe in karma or for everything to turn out good. Believing in anything makes us who we are, it defines us.





So I brought Tarren a small piece of bread that I ripped up and some water in a dish. I made sure not to put it too close to her that she would freak out, but close enough that she could get to it without hurting herself. I went back inside, called another friend and then promptly looked up the number of an animal rescue shelter. Just before I called the shelter though, I wanted to see how Tarren was doing. I really didn't want it to be too late but if the worst has happened there isn't anything that they can do from 20+ minutes away. Anyway when I walked up to see her, her eyes were closed. I called her name quietly and then she opened her eyes. Suddenly I noticed that something was in fact wrong with this picture. Her wing was no longer spread out further than the rest of her body. She actually started moving her neck and 10 seconds later she was scampering away! I couldn't even believe it. Seriously?! I'm not saying I curred her. On the contrary, I probably scared her. But I was there for her and sometimes that all anyone needs.

Pressure - Paramore

NEXT. Do you realise how important that word is? How powerful? It passes by the present option to the next. You can switch songs, channels, roads, ect. Really you can switch to anything. It's kind of funny everyone is always looking for the future to be good, "the next day". Does something happen when we sleep that magically makes everything better? Like that phrase that says "sleep on it" or "things will look brighter tomorrow". I agree that taking a step back gives you a new perspective but what if you don't need new perspective? You just want to skip. Say next.



Next.

Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch

So I have been looking up more information about my dream. This is what the colour orange means:

Orange is a power color. It is one of the healing colors. It is said to increase the craving for food. It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity. Orange means vitality with endurance. People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere. Lady luck's color is orange. I have heard that if a change of any kind is need in life, just burn an orange candle for 7 nights. While red is associated with fiery heat, orange is associated with the benign warmth of the sun. A dynamic color to be sure, orange offers a more thoughtful control than explosive red. Curiosity is a driving characteristic of orange, and with it comes exploration of new things.

Put some orange in your life when you want:
-to spice things up when you feel time is dragging
-to become more involved in something
-to increase creativity
-relief from things becoming too serious




Interesting...

Wishes and Dreams - Stellar Kart

Last night I went to bed around 1:00 am and slept to 10:30 am about. When I woke up I was trying to piece together my dream from that night that turned nightmare-esque at the end. [This usually happens when I dream, unfortunately.] Anyway I was living in downtown NYC with my friend and it was always sunny but not too hot or anything. I met this guy somehow and I ended up spending a lot of time at his house though he didn't seem to be there a lot. I was always welcome, me and my friend. I really liked this guy. He lived in a huge apartment that was tall with many stories but the levels were small. So about halfway though the dream I suppose I found out that he was actually a Prince. [I was super obsessed with Prince Harry last summer. Come on how could you not be?! He is so dreamy!]

This wasn't a big deal, I don't care about money but it was just interesting. I mean is he scared about messing up? Is he excited? I wanted to know more and more about him. Every time I asked him about being a Prince he got so moody though! And he started avoiding me when I came over. [And I don't know why but it seemed like a good idea at the time!] Anyway I got him a white piano and got these huge mover guys to carry it into his apartment. He was out at the time and I though it would be the best surprise ever! [You know how much I love to surprise people!] So we got it up three stories and then the mover guys left it blocking one of the bigger bathrooms because it would be the best place until he could move some couches around or whatever to make some room.

I was so excited, but my friend was so quiet. Very unlike her in the whole dream. She just smiled at me whenever I need encouragement or what else, but didn't talk besides that. When he got home I was waiting for him right by the piano. My friend left and that was probably a smart move because he freaked! I ran out of his house crying. The next day I went back to apologize and when he saw me he hugged me and apologized because he shouldn't have reacted the way he did. We were both at fault. Stuff went back to normal and my friend hung out with us again. Being silent as she almost never is, except this dream surprisingly.

This went on and then he decided he liked both of us and needed to make a decision on who he would want to be more than friends with. It would have to be me though because I actually talked to him and made him laugh and everything! The next day I got a fancy letter in the mail that turned out to be from him. I ripped it open not knowing what it really was but that it was good. It said that he was sorry but he didn't think of me like that or something along those line. I was balling my eyes out as a ran to the park where my friend was working and I told her what happened. She saw how upset I was and said that the same thing happened to her. Then I noticed that she was stuffing something away in her bag. It looked like my note except it said I'll meet you at 5:30. I said I needed to leave and ran away.

I needed to go somewhere now and on the way up in the elevator, to this secret place, who else but my dead grandpa Jim was in the elevator with me. I asked him for advice and he said something about just being yourself and trying to talk to this guy. [He was nameless I just realized. That or I can't remember what it was.] When I got off the elevator I was in a classroom and I had to sit down. And I was wearing the same uniform as everyone else. The teacher was going to start on another boring speech and then I shot up my hand seconds before two other people did. The teacher gave me a funny look, like he knew what I was going to do. He called on me and I asked to go to the washroom. He said yes and the other kids sighed. I ran down the street in my uniform to the Prince's apartment.

I didn't even know if he was there I just felt like it was such a bad idea all of a sudden. I ran to a bathroom, one I never noticed or was new and locked myself in there. I started freaking out and decided that everything in the new bathroom had to be orange... Then I woke up.

Mood Rings - Relient K

Guys need mood rings just as much as girls do. This is what I've concluded after trying to figure out if I really like someone. As a great friend of mine said about boys, "They are so misleading... The one's who don't do anything might be the ones who like you!" I agree completely. Except I know girls are difficult as well, being one and all. We change our mind every time we get a chance and think about different ways to do things. For me my mind never stops to think about nothing. It's always thinking about school, friends, family, what I'm going to have for dinner, when I'm going to do laundry, ect. Seeing as most people in general don't speak their minds (I seem to be the exception at most times) no one really knows what's going on! Some other people you can see everything in their faces or voices but what if they just have a super excellent poker face? I'm very confused on this subject. I really wish I could read minds. Seriously I wish that was my superpower. That or teleporting.

Girl America - Mat Kearney

Hello world. I have been keeping myself busy this summer. I miss seeing everyone though. I feel like I have grown up a bit from being alone so much this summer. It's funny because my mom can't understand what I'm doing all day while I sit at home. Well I read and just do little things in my room and clean it up and stuff. I still haven't replied to facebook messages from months ago and I'm sorry if that happened with any one reading. Mostly I've become lazy. Haha except teenagers are lazy by the time they get around 15 I think. Some where in life I'm going to need another caffeine kick because I'm too lazy to actually accomplish anything. What amazes me is the teenagers that accomplish so much. For example if you have a job, your parents don't hate you (for any reason under the sun such as grades in school or general behaviour), you have good friends and you have a passion for sports or music then I think that you are an accomplished teenager. Out of that list I have a job (though I need to work more hours to actually make my mom happy about it) and I have good friends. The best actually. I'll have to work on the rest of the rest I suppose.

The past year at school every Tuesday and Thursday I made a special effort to get my butt out of bed to get to school on time to go to choir. I missed around 5 classes the whole year. The classes were Tuesday and Thursday at 9:15-10:15 and then every second week there would be an extra hour of practice for my section. MEZZO! Anyway once I had something to do in school that I enjoyed I would go because it wasn't so much of a chore but I wanted to go to sing my heart out. I love the people in choir and the singing itself. I loved the songs and genuinely liked learning all about music. I'm so excited to do choir again next year and to get to know some of the friends I made in choir better. Plus it doesn't hurt that we are going to NEW YORK! (Words cannot express how excited I am!)

So as you know I always put song titles as the post title of my blog. I love all the songs I choose but if you have extra time I highly recommend that you check out Girl America any wherever you can. It's a powerful song. And it's rap but not the stupid derogatory kind that hurts your heart and makes you wonder what the world is coming to. Because seriously what is the world coming to?

Lastly I want to post this picture of one of my favorite quotes from one very good book.

Meant to Live - Swichfoot

I wonder why regrets haunt us? Am I the only one that plays dumb scenarios in my head imagining a million different things I could have done. Things maybe I should have done. Regret makes you feel like crap.

Mr. Pitiful - Matt Costa

Well first of all I want to say sorry for anyone that has had to deal with me lately. Mostly my mom. I'm just beginning to realize that I am at the point in my life when I have to grow up, take responsibility for my actions and learn to say I'm wrong when I am. I chose Mr. Pitiful as a blog title not just because its an amazing song but because just the title and the song about the pathetic, pitiful man is me. Minus the man part. It's funny isn't it? Teenagers want to be taken seriously and then we mess up and act childish. Everyone messes up, yeah okay we have all heard that a million times but it takes a really big person to step up and right their wrongs. I hope that I am making sense and if not, then this blog is just about me rambling on. So pretty much the usual.

No day but today
-B

7 Things - Miley Cyrus

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/02/the-dl-emo-in-one-minute/
Emo in one minute.

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/23/the-dl-goth-in-one-minute/
Goth in one minute.

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/16/the-dl-indie-in-one-minute/
Indie in one minute.

You might get these terms mixed up. I know I do sometimes. I thought that these cleaver videos explain it all. Even if you have to listen to in a couple times to actually understand what the guy is saying. Enjoy!

Go On - Jack Johnson

Back by popular demand... ME! That's right after many of loyal readers have been begging me for over a month to write a new blog here it is, the answer to your prayers. A lot has been going on lately, it has definitely been a while since I last blogged. I joined the school field hockey team and it's amazing to be doing something outside of school. Surprisingly my body hasn't been aching in protest. We have won every game in the season so far and even had a tournament this weekend. We won, lost, and tied two games but we didn't make it to playoffs. I'm not complaining too much though because that would have meant two more games on Saturday which would have been tiring because we already played two.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about field hockey. For one thing I am not sure if I am very good. In practice I am very good at defence during 3 on 1 drills but in games I don't think I really measure up. Perhaps I should be midfield. I play aggressively and a few girls on my team even hate going up against me! Our coach is tough. I hate pyramids and suicides but deep down I believe that I am building up my endurance. I was previously friends with some girls on the team and it is interesting to see how some people's personalities chance during sports. For example one girl is very shy and quite reserved during school but is loud and aggressive during practice and games. I have met a lot of new girls as well and it is probably just my paranoia but I don't think they like be being on the team whether it's because I didn't deserve to be on the team because I joined 2 weeks later than they did or because they don't find me appealing as a human being. Whatever their reasoning I will continue to try my best as a teammate and a friend.

Another thing that has become a big deal lately is grad. First it was all about the after grad party that wasn't going to happen, and then when everything got planned out I needed to find 30$ fast. I am beyond broke right now so I had to beg my mom. This led to another problem being that she didn't want me to go at all and even if I was allowed to go she wasn't coming. Can you even imagine how embarrassing that would be to be at grad without parents or a date?! I have come to terms that I am not graduating, she even got what she wanted when I threw in the towel but she still didn't want to come. [There was an incident with my would-be grad date but I'm not going to recall it just for your comic relief.] I then explained that grad meant dance and dinner not diploma and she agreed to come if I invited my step dad. Honestly I could care less if he came. But I did tell her that I didn't want to dance with him for the father-daughter dance. Even if my dad sucks doesn't mean that I am going to replace him with one that ignores me even more.

Then I remembered that I actually had a real-father and in fact after just bringing me back a gorgeous silver elephant bracelet that means more to me than I can possibly explain, I was surprisingly on good terms with him. I asked him to come to grad the day the cheques were due for the tables. Definitely not one of my brighter moments. I am not even sure if I wanted him there, more I like the idea of having a father that loves me there, even if he has a funny way of showing it 99.999% of the time.

I got my grad dress last week as well. "Cutting it close Blaire?" several people have said to me, and I don't mean to sound like a snob but I wasn't having any trouble finding dresses that looked good on me as much as I was looking for the one. I haven't gone grad dress shopping since that one day in October when a bunch of my friends got together to get an idea of what we were looking for. I could have easily have gotten 3 dresses then. But I did end up finding the one randomly when I was walking down to shoppers to pick up some hair clips and headbands for practice when I saw a yellow dress in the advertisement for Le Chateau right outside the store. In my head I was thinking that it might be nice to try on a yellow dress seeing as how it is my new favorite color. The dress looked horrible on the hanger, but next to it was my dress. I am not going to give any hints on my blog, and although I have told a few friends what it looks like I have decided to keep my mouth shut about it. Everyone will see it soon enough.

In other news I am getting along fabulously with the opposite sex. Haha I'm not even kidding! From meeting new boys from Edmonton and even Calgary to braving myself to talk to the ones that seem so unobtainable. Unobtainable #1? Mr. Music himself. It is deeply depressing that the school year is so soon and that he will no longer be at the same school let alone the same country. At least his birthday is coming up! My accomplice and I are devising a brilliant plan that you might even hear more about when it is set into action. In the mean time I must live off of the one glimpse of him I take each day... Speaking of music I had my choral repertoire test this past week and it was so terrifying that I easily could have cried in front of my teacher. I didn't! But man oh man I definitely could have. I sung 'Adoramuste' as well as anyone one could under pressure and Slabe even said that he liked my voice! Then came 'Un Canadian Errant' and I fell apart. I hate going high I didn't sign up for that I am a mezzo soprano NOT a regular soprano. After setting me up for the hardest part in the song several times my friend Caroline sang the beginning with me. This helped me get through it at least. It was the funniest thing I just wouldn't sing it, almost like I lost my voice completely. Then I found it of course. He said that I was worried for nothing and that I hit the high notes easily. Then came 'All Too Soon'. I love that song. I didn't sing it very well though. Probably because I was so stressed out moments before. I'm going to try this new thing where I only stress out for a select time perioded each say. Say maybe an hour? That way I will have hair when I am 25.

Stay golden Ponyboy...

-B

Lullaby - Dixie Chicks

'How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?'

These lyrics from the titled song so obviously state that one can be loved forever. I am beginning that forever doesn't exist. Depressing remark? Definitely. It might be because it's 2:00 AM but I'm just not feeling this whole find your soul mate thing right now.

Today I read two A-List books, though I know I should have attempted to conquer my mountain of homework awaiting me. I hate books like that sometimes because even the evil girl, Cammie Shepard gets the perfect guy. Anna, the main character gets 'the guy' in the end too except evidently it isn't even the same guy of her dreams from the last book. I realize that the girls are 17 verging on 18, and shouldn't get married right away when they find the perfect suitor but the word soul mate translated to a couple months max. And not just in these books, look around. One day someone is falling hard and the next their heart is getting ripped out because, well you fill in the blank.

Maybe this has to do with the fact that my parents are divorced. Therefore I am eternally jaded. But I do have good examples of successful relationships around me. My grandma and grandpa for starters. It's funny but you can tell that they are still in love. Yes L-O-V-E. Coming up on their 50 anniversary and they are still crazy about each other. Lots of people who are still married I don't think are still in love with each other. Maybe they are just scared that no one else will love them.

Wow, who knew that I could be a downer at 2:00 in the morning? Well live and learn I suppose...

Something [Across the Universe Version]

I really love blogging, but no one was replying to my blogs when I was blogging a lot so I kind of stopped. Anyway though I went through a faze where I couldn't stop listening to the Across the Universe soundtrack, for good reason though... it's completely amazing! Actually my next obsession will be the Beatles I can feel it coming on already.

Today was amazing because I got to see Tamara and Jessi after not seeing them in a week. Honestly last week was the worst week in a very long time. Nothing majorly bad happened, but just overall it sucked. I was late, always tired no matter how long I slept, people kept letting me down and honestly I kept letting myself down. It goes back to the school thing really. I feel like someone else in my situation could do everything I have to do, have a social life, a job, a car and maybe even a boyfriend, but I'm hanging on a tread as it is. If I get anything else on my plate right now I might just shut down.

Something and someone is distracting me from my monstrous life I lead. The something is 21 Jump Street, my new found obsession that I have been obsessing over for about a month now but oddly enough I never blogged about yet. I am almost done the third season and I am at a really intense part where Johnny Depp's character, Tom Hanson, who is a cop none the less might get arrested for killing this other cop. He did kind of deserve it if you ask me, but he fled the scene of the crime so I think he is pretty much hooped.

The someone mentioned above is brilliant. And I become an absolute fool around them. Even if nothing happens, which it probably won't, I will probably be a little bit devastated but its become more of a hobby of observing/stalking in a non-illegal way with my new best friend Julie. I still have my other hobbies though and I have actually practiced bass more in the past week than I have in my whole life. Which actually isn't saying much. Sorry fellow band members... I still think we should be called the Polar Bears though. Input??

Thanks =)

My Generation

Two days ago my mom randomly bought a Wii as a Family Day/Easter present. I was completly blown away because I wanted a Wii so badly that I was thinking about just buying one myself. It was really funny to because she said, 'Guess what I got today?' As if she got new socks or something. My mom got the Wario Smooth Moves game with it and I am just loving that game so much because it just tells you to 'Pick Up the Apples' and you have to put the controller up to your nose and pretend you are an elephant for about 10 seconds or however long it takes for you to get the apple. There are probably 100 of those mini games that you have to hold the controller 10 different ways, in this game. And what's even better is that I am the only one in the family that seems to love that game so I am the only one that plays it! My brother is way better at video games, no doubt about it, so I'm glad that he doesn't want to play that game so it's not a competition or anything.

Do you know what's funny about the Wii? Sure it's awesome and so hi-tec for now but in 5 years it's going to be old news. Another thing that is kind of funny is the fact that their are so many awesome games out there (ex. Guitar Hero) made by brilliant people and yet there is still no cure for cancer or AIDS. It's sad really.

Anyway today I went to church with my mom and it was an awesome service and all, but I was pretty hungry considering I didn't have breakfast. I always eat breakfast! Anyway right after we got out my mom said that the kids that were a little out of control were being so rude. The first thing I said to that was, 'Way to be negative mom!' Because seriously if that's all she took away from church she might as well not have gone. It's not like my mom is a bad person or anything, so please don't think that, she even loves kids, but I think that she should have remembered what it was like when I was 5 and completely restless. I'm 17 now and I am still completely restless, maybe somethings never change. Sorry about that mom.

So after we came home got Rhys and Mike and went out for delicious chinese food in Crowfoot and then went to Northland Mall to look for Wii stuff. I definately am going to have to become a millionaire soon so I can afford all the things I want, and still donate to charities, obviously. But seriously, does anyone know how hard it was to look for nunchucks?! Nearly impossible. Luckly there is such a thing as Walmart. But how odd is it that there are tons of controllers to buy but not even a trace of a nunchuck in sight? I say very! And I'm sorry for going all typical teenage girl on you right now, but there was the cutest boy there I have seen in 2 days! So what if I have been inside my house too long... sue me! This boy was the apple of my eye, for about 5 minutes or so until we left. I should have just explained to my mom that we were obvously soulmates, I mean did you see how brown his eyes were?! Does anyone know if there is a cure for boy crazy girls? Because that's pretty much what I have become. Sorry about that... whoever is still reading my blog.

In Love With a Girl

I just found out that Gavin DeGraw is back with a new single and with a CD soon to come! I can't express how excited I am because he just makes me so happy. And because his last CD was his first and wasn't immensely popular I was worried he might be a one-hit-wonder. Chariot was my song for the longest time. I go through fazes with songs when I just can't stop listening to it over and over again. Chariot I listened to for about 2 weeks straight! I would just jump around my room screaming it at the top of my lungs! His song 'I Don't Want to Be' is the theme song for one of the shows I watch One Tree Hill, but for whatever reason this season they cut out the credits at the beginning. I'm kind of sad about that because I don't get to hear Gavin and I used to love seeing how the characters used to look and how they do now because it shows how much they have grown up. Plus I have been watching this show for a while too.

But I just decided recently that it is no Popular, Joan of Arcadia or My So Called Life or even my newest obsession 21 Jumpstreet. Even though most of these shows are from the 80's or 90's they are way better than anything else out there. Shows now are all about the 'shock value' and are pushing the envelope on what's risqué. I hate new TV it's boring. I am glad that the writers strike is over but honestly this year I haven't even been watching that much TV. Heroes was good last season I guess, and I do watch Gossip Girl because I read all the books. But I am really starting to wonder... Where are all the shows with substance?

Misery Business

Do you know what I love? Getting mail. It just makes me happy especially because it's never bills or anything. Do you know what I hate? When people act fake or act different to seem cooler to certain people. Sure I have probably done it but I would like to think that I am comfortable enough with myself at this precise moment in my life that if someone doesn't like me or if I am not cool enough for them it's pretty much their loss. I don't know if this particular person knows that they were acting like this but I just don't get why. Seriously why? I would rather be me than impress someone and become someone else any day. If you had a laps of judgement I forgive you. You just surprised me because honestly I thought you were past that. My mistake.


This song is ridiculously catchy and everyone in the whole world should listen to it at least once in their life. So here and enjoy =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLZttSe_g0E

Hope for the Hopeless

So this song by A Fine Frenzy is so inspiring. Just for anyone who needs it right now =) Here are the lyrics and if the song sounds intresting listen to it on youtube or whatever.

Stitch in your knitted brow
And you don't know how
You're gonna get it out
Crushed under heavy chest
Trying to catch your breath
But it always beats you by a step, all right now
Making the best of it
Playing the hand you get
You're not alone in this
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope
Cold in a summer breeze
Yeah, you're shivering
On your bended knee
Still, when you're heart is sore
And the heavens pour
Like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it
Running against the wind
Playing the cards you get
Something is bound to give
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope
There's hope
There's hope
There's hope

You know who you are,
Love you

The Minnow and the Trout

So today I have to get my act together and go to the mall and hand some resumes in, so that I can get a job, so that I will have money to buy stuff. See it's a great cycle. Money is so important, it’s kind of dumb. I mean whatever happened to the days when you would spend the whole day at the park? That was free and I used to love it. I guess your parents pay for everything when you are little but there is something about being a kid that doesn't really matter if you have 20 cents in your pocket or $2.00


I want to apply at HMV, Play, The Body Shop, and Lululemon if they want me. I have had two jobs before and been the whole job process before but I still get so nervous. I guess it's kind of hard to know what other people expect you to be. I guess that's how everything in life is.

______________________________________________________
I did it! It was difficult but obviously I live to tell the tale. So first I went to HMV and I was a mess. My hand was actually shaking when I was writing my availability down! Next I went to The Body Shop and the girl doing cash said that they actually weren't hiring right now but they still asked me some questions like why I would want to work there and all that. Next I went to Lululemon. The girl that I gave my resume to was super nice! She asked me if I still spoke French and I replied with 'un peu'(which means a bit for the French impaired). Then she started telling me all about when she lived in France and stuff. My last stop was at my dream job (well at least for being 17), at Play. It's just a CD store and it even sells some DVDs but there is something about that place that reeks of cool. It’s not as commercial as HMV and I always catch myself buying really cool CDs there, instead of my guilty pleasure pop. Hannah Montana anyone? Anyway I said to the guy at the desk that I wanted to drop off my resume and he comes over with this look like I just ruined his life and asks what type of music I like. I didn't really hear him and was a little put off by the fact that he was being such a downer, so I said pardon and then he looked up at me like I just killed his dog. Come on, I was just being friendly! It's not like I was all 'Speak up pops!' But I almost wish I did. So I replied with "Rock, pop and a little country", because I wanted to seem open minded towards everything. Which I am. Musically wise anyway.

Then I left. What a day =)

Only Fooling Myself

*This blog is dedicated to Nicole*

Ever feel like a song has your life completly down to a 't'? Like it says everything you feel and is fast enough to jump around your room and get rid of anger/energy or slow enough to make you feel comforted like a friend is with you and understanding your every word. Its rare but once you find one for the mood that you are in at the percise moment you listen to it, it can change your life. I don't know why but this part week has been hell-ish to say the least. I thought that my theme song was Hand Grenade but I have to be more optimistic, with everything.



I thought of something else today... If the worst someone can do to you is call you ugly or fat or even dumb, so what? Seriously though, if you thought that you weren't or even if you are, its not like you don't have anything else to offer the world. So the next person that says something like that to me I am going to give them a big, fat SO!

Lumos!

*WARNING: There are spoilers of the Harry Potter books in this blog. If you don't want to know that Dumbledore dies then don't read it!*

So I finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on Monday or Tuesday this week and I loved it so much. I was amazed at how fantastic the movies are but I could never really get into the books. My mom bought the first one for me when I was in Grade 6 and I just couldn't get into it. I kind of regret watching the movies first though, especially when Sirius died in HP and the Order, it just wasn't as sad reading it as it was in the movie in which I am certain that I cried. I adored Sirius and knew that he was the closest thing that Harry ever had to a dad, but I think that because J.K. Rowling made Dumbledore's death so traitorous it effected me more. And I know that not everyone feels the same about that, but this is my blog and therefore my opinion. I am dead excited for the next movie and I am longing to read the last HP book, but I don't want it to be over.

I can honestly say that I don't know what happens to Harry though I am sure that he isn't dead. But I do know that Harry and Ginny, and Ron and Hermione get married and that one of the Weasley brothers dies and another gets his ear chopped off thanks to Tamara and Hermon for that.

But the reason above all else that I wrote this blog is to show you this site that is selling all this Harry Potter stuff. It is unbelievable! Here is the site http://www.necaonline.com/product/listbycategory/1?license=129. And here are some pictures of things I really want...

But as I was saying The HP theme song is called Lumos! for anyone that didn't know and I think that it is the most magical and beautiful song ever. I listen to it before I fall asleep a lot and it's actually my second most listened to song behind When I Go Down by Relient K which I have listened to 94 times. Thanks for reading!

Bye =)

Hand Grenade - Hedley

I have just realised that I have to grow up. And I do not like this realisation at all. I guess because I never really imagined myself anywhere except the dork at school. I really don't know what I am going to be doing next year and I hate how that is the most talked about thing with everyone, being that most of my friends are in grade 12. Truthfully I am jealous of the people that have their lives together and know exactly what they are going to be doing and exactly what they are going to take for the next 4 years.

On another note, I am weird. Why is it that I can walk up to anyone and be a dork? Seriously it's a gift. And I know that all gifts come from God... but come on! Do I really get the pleasure of gracing absolutly everyone with my odd self? Sure I can make almost everyone laugh by just acting like my ADD self, but I want to be interesting and I am getting a little tired of not being at all pursued. This might not make sense but just roll with it. Trust me I know what I am talking about. I guess my horoscope was partially right because it says I somehow know that everything will workout, but that's it. Blind hope that's what it is.

Hey Ang?! Band name? =)
As Jon says,
Peace, Love and Blind Hope

Feel Fine - Augustana

NOTE: This blog was written on Sunday, January 6
This year I didn't make any resolutions. I think I have a problem following through with stuff so I didn't bother. I pride myself with my amazing plans and then flake out. It's almost like I don't have enough motivation or something. When it comes to school I don't care. I feel like it comes easily to everyone but me so I don't try.

On another note I realised that I won't care when my dad's engagement doesn't become anything more. Sarah is ashamed of my dad and doesn't even care about me. Sharron hasn't even been nice for a long time. Sharron is ashamed too, I think. She really couldn't talk, she is rude and self-centered, pretty dumb intelligence wise and she acts like my dad is the issue. Sure they might fight sometimes, and both of them have quick tempers. Sure I have always wanted a patient dad, and I guess there is Mike but it just seems like ultimatly I am dad-less. Mike doesn't really do the whole bonding thing that I always imagined. When I imagined my new stepdad I thought that this person would want to hangout with me, take me to movies and drive me places. I always thought that he would try to impress me, but Mike ignores me.

One thing I like about him is his family. I actually love Alyson now that I have spent some time with her. I never really knew her. She is such a kind, welcoming, 31 year old, real woman with a beautiful baby boy. We clicked when I went to her house during Christmas break.

I also need to find my long lost step-brother. My life is a soap opera!

Sorry I need to see a shrink. =(