Meant to Live - Swichfoot

I wonder why regrets haunt us? Am I the only one that plays dumb scenarios in my head imagining a million different things I could have done. Things maybe I should have done. Regret makes you feel like crap.

Mr. Pitiful - Matt Costa

Well first of all I want to say sorry for anyone that has had to deal with me lately. Mostly my mom. I'm just beginning to realize that I am at the point in my life when I have to grow up, take responsibility for my actions and learn to say I'm wrong when I am. I chose Mr. Pitiful as a blog title not just because its an amazing song but because just the title and the song about the pathetic, pitiful man is me. Minus the man part. It's funny isn't it? Teenagers want to be taken seriously and then we mess up and act childish. Everyone messes up, yeah okay we have all heard that a million times but it takes a really big person to step up and right their wrongs. I hope that I am making sense and if not, then this blog is just about me rambling on. So pretty much the usual.

No day but today
-B

7 Things - Miley Cyrus

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/02/the-dl-emo-in-one-minute/
Emo in one minute.

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/23/the-dl-goth-in-one-minute/
Goth in one minute.

http://www.spinner.com/2007/11/16/the-dl-indie-in-one-minute/
Indie in one minute.

You might get these terms mixed up. I know I do sometimes. I thought that these cleaver videos explain it all. Even if you have to listen to in a couple times to actually understand what the guy is saying. Enjoy!

Go On - Jack Johnson

Back by popular demand... ME! That's right after many of loyal readers have been begging me for over a month to write a new blog here it is, the answer to your prayers. A lot has been going on lately, it has definitely been a while since I last blogged. I joined the school field hockey team and it's amazing to be doing something outside of school. Surprisingly my body hasn't been aching in protest. We have won every game in the season so far and even had a tournament this weekend. We won, lost, and tied two games but we didn't make it to playoffs. I'm not complaining too much though because that would have meant two more games on Saturday which would have been tiring because we already played two.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about field hockey. For one thing I am not sure if I am very good. In practice I am very good at defence during 3 on 1 drills but in games I don't think I really measure up. Perhaps I should be midfield. I play aggressively and a few girls on my team even hate going up against me! Our coach is tough. I hate pyramids and suicides but deep down I believe that I am building up my endurance. I was previously friends with some girls on the team and it is interesting to see how some people's personalities chance during sports. For example one girl is very shy and quite reserved during school but is loud and aggressive during practice and games. I have met a lot of new girls as well and it is probably just my paranoia but I don't think they like be being on the team whether it's because I didn't deserve to be on the team because I joined 2 weeks later than they did or because they don't find me appealing as a human being. Whatever their reasoning I will continue to try my best as a teammate and a friend.

Another thing that has become a big deal lately is grad. First it was all about the after grad party that wasn't going to happen, and then when everything got planned out I needed to find 30$ fast. I am beyond broke right now so I had to beg my mom. This led to another problem being that she didn't want me to go at all and even if I was allowed to go she wasn't coming. Can you even imagine how embarrassing that would be to be at grad without parents or a date?! I have come to terms that I am not graduating, she even got what she wanted when I threw in the towel but she still didn't want to come. [There was an incident with my would-be grad date but I'm not going to recall it just for your comic relief.] I then explained that grad meant dance and dinner not diploma and she agreed to come if I invited my step dad. Honestly I could care less if he came. But I did tell her that I didn't want to dance with him for the father-daughter dance. Even if my dad sucks doesn't mean that I am going to replace him with one that ignores me even more.

Then I remembered that I actually had a real-father and in fact after just bringing me back a gorgeous silver elephant bracelet that means more to me than I can possibly explain, I was surprisingly on good terms with him. I asked him to come to grad the day the cheques were due for the tables. Definitely not one of my brighter moments. I am not even sure if I wanted him there, more I like the idea of having a father that loves me there, even if he has a funny way of showing it 99.999% of the time.

I got my grad dress last week as well. "Cutting it close Blaire?" several people have said to me, and I don't mean to sound like a snob but I wasn't having any trouble finding dresses that looked good on me as much as I was looking for the one. I haven't gone grad dress shopping since that one day in October when a bunch of my friends got together to get an idea of what we were looking for. I could have easily have gotten 3 dresses then. But I did end up finding the one randomly when I was walking down to shoppers to pick up some hair clips and headbands for practice when I saw a yellow dress in the advertisement for Le Chateau right outside the store. In my head I was thinking that it might be nice to try on a yellow dress seeing as how it is my new favorite color. The dress looked horrible on the hanger, but next to it was my dress. I am not going to give any hints on my blog, and although I have told a few friends what it looks like I have decided to keep my mouth shut about it. Everyone will see it soon enough.

In other news I am getting along fabulously with the opposite sex. Haha I'm not even kidding! From meeting new boys from Edmonton and even Calgary to braving myself to talk to the ones that seem so unobtainable. Unobtainable #1? Mr. Music himself. It is deeply depressing that the school year is so soon and that he will no longer be at the same school let alone the same country. At least his birthday is coming up! My accomplice and I are devising a brilliant plan that you might even hear more about when it is set into action. In the mean time I must live off of the one glimpse of him I take each day... Speaking of music I had my choral repertoire test this past week and it was so terrifying that I easily could have cried in front of my teacher. I didn't! But man oh man I definitely could have. I sung 'Adoramuste' as well as anyone one could under pressure and Slabe even said that he liked my voice! Then came 'Un Canadian Errant' and I fell apart. I hate going high I didn't sign up for that I am a mezzo soprano NOT a regular soprano. After setting me up for the hardest part in the song several times my friend Caroline sang the beginning with me. This helped me get through it at least. It was the funniest thing I just wouldn't sing it, almost like I lost my voice completely. Then I found it of course. He said that I was worried for nothing and that I hit the high notes easily. Then came 'All Too Soon'. I love that song. I didn't sing it very well though. Probably because I was so stressed out moments before. I'm going to try this new thing where I only stress out for a select time perioded each say. Say maybe an hour? That way I will have hair when I am 25.

Stay golden Ponyboy...

-B