So Damn Cleaver

I am so excited right now. I had the best night in so long last night. I was going to a movie with Chantel and her friend Medena and then we met up with her friend Matt and his friend Dana (it's a guy just so you know). They decided to come and we went up to Westhills and Chantel looked up movie times and said that it said 8:40 but the next one was actually 10:20 so we bought tickets, with some help from the boys (because they are 18 and well we aren't). Then we were wondering what we should do until the movie starts. Oh and before I forget, we saw boys from Carroll and I loved it because I felt so superior because I was with people they didn't know and we were seeing a 18A movie and they were being dorks sprawling across the video games. They totally saw me too, Medena said they wanted me, she is so funny.

Anyway, we all piled into Matt's car and drove around for a bit. Medena and I had to phone our mom's to tell them that we were going to catch the later movie and surprizingly enough my mother was totally fine with it! I know I am still shocked! It was so fun driving with Matt because we were trying to drift across parking lots. Then we drove to a park and went on the play ground. It was really cold though so the girls went back to the car, and near the car was the most superb pink truck I have ever seen. I was scared to go in it and get arrested or something but Medena went and jumped into it. It was a convertible, just so you don't think that we were breaking in. Finally the boys were coming back to the car, but then Matt drove away with us and the girls decided to hid and Dana just stood there, waiting. We were running between trees and Matt seemed to get irritated and just started honking, so we gave up and ran back to the car. We thought we were so clever.

Then we driving back to the movie theatre and we decided that we wanted to go see the numbers on the side of signal hill. I was really excited because I have never walked up there. We parked as close as we could and started climbing. Matt actually ran; Dana walked; I walked, and Chantel and Medena were wheezing their way up. We were all acting like idiots and I couldn't have been happier. Finally we got closer to the numbers and I actually touched the last one. A seven maybe? And then us girls decided that we were done with walking and started down the stairs. The stairs were wooden and there was a tiny ramp thing for bikes to go on and I decided to slide down on it. It was really fun, except on one near the end that was probably the longest I almost biffed so bad I would have broken my leg! The boys came down second and Matt did the same thing, even though we totally warned him. Medena found a shopping cart after that and pushed me in it. And she got a really funny picture on my cell phone of my horrified expression when I though that a semi was going to run me over.

Our movie was starting soon so we had to go back quick, but apparently us girls weren't fast enough because Matt and Dana drove away again, and we hid behind trees. They stopped and parked far away and we started yelling at them to come back because we were lazy and didn't want to walk that far. But we did. And guess what!? They did it again, but this time they kind of tried to run us over. This happened multiple times. I tried the whole 'stay where you are' strategy because it was turning into a game of chicken. It didn't work. I am forever the chicken.

We did finally get into the car, and got to the movie theatre safely. We got these gross kool-aid slushies, and Chantel was trying to cheer up the most depressed movie guy I have ever seen. We got into the movie fine, but Matt had to show his ID again. Dana said that he uses his so much it is going to wear out. The movie was okay, some hilarious parts but I didn't really like it. I was too hyper.

One eventful thing happened though. The chairs leaned back sort of and a bunch of us put our feet up, and it was fine for a while but then the person behind be started kicking my chair and so I pushed back on it and then she kicked it again. This happened probably ten times, me getting angrier each time. Finally I sat up and turned around and gave her the dirtiest look I could give her, something that would look like I wanted to turn her into stone. She had a scared expression on her 30-year-old face. That's right she was 30! Medena laughed forever! I did too. I mean what a witch! She ran out as soon as the movie was done. She had a right to be scared!

After that the boys drove home and Chantel and I took Medena home. I think we made plans next weekend too! =) Chantel was very suprised when the only thing I wanted to listen to was rap. I am suprised to actually, I was in a weird mood. We went by Julie's house because my brother told me that she was having a party. But it was only after 12 and there weren't any lights on. Before that Andres called (he used to like Chantel) about a feild party by the gas station. We went to check it out but I didn't know anyone and it was rediculously cold and Andres was super drunk and kept hugging Chantel. She has a boyfriend dude! Sam said that he knew me and Chantel said that he did but he clearly didn't.

Anyways that was my crazy saturday night. Hope yours was just as good!

No Name (How Sad!)

Okay so I don't know if anyone caught on to the fact that I was kind of naming all my blogs after whatever song I was listening to at the time or what song I thought would describe my mood, which is what the writers do on One Tree Hill. Not about blogs but about the episode names. But as you can see the title of this blog is in fact 'No Name' because my sound isn't working on my computer. I need music going on when I am on the computer, it just seems to quiet without it. I am downloading the new iTunes right now and am doing a virus scan so I guess I will have to see how that works out. I kind of feel bad actually for neglecting to do a virus scan sooner. It's weird because I usually do one a day (you know to keep the viruses away). It's like a hobby to me, and I know that's weird but I don't really do anything else so that is my hobby. Blogging has also become a hobby of mine. I kind of love it!

Okay because I am a list person I will write a list of 10 things I hate right now and 11 things I love. Just to show that I am a more of a happy person than a sad person.

I hate that...
1. my school work is piling up again
2. I failed my math test today
3. my alarm clock didn't ring this morning
4. I cannot ever find anything in my closet to wear
5. the days seem so short (and not just because it's fall)
6. I didn't get a chance to watch Gossip Girl
7. I have to be sweet as pie for probably three months for my mom to consider letting me go to NY to see RK
8. I don't have any super powers like the people on Heroes
9. it takes me so long to do really simple things and I don't know why
10. even when I try my hardest not to be late I am always more late

I love that...
1. I don't feel to tired so I can probably stay up super early (not late) doing homework
2. my mom is reading 'Twilight', the book that Ang and Tamara just can't put down (even to hangout with me!)
3. I am beginning to know all the words to 'Can't stop the Beat' a song from Hairspray
4. it is thursday tomorrow and that the week is almost over
5. my cell phone didn't fall down the sewer
6. I memorized a difficult formula for math in a minute
7. I am hanging out with Laura more and more
8. some of my friends from work and stuff try really hard to stay in touch with me
9. I still have tons of money left over from summer and I haven't spend hardly any since I went to West Ed
10. my aunt is over and it makes socializing with the rest of my family so much easier
11. I can dream about Graduating with my friends even if it doesn't happen

Oh, also choir is tomorrow so I am going to practice my scales tonight so that the girl that sits behind me doesn't out sing the rest of the Mezzos. Mezzos for life! (Take that Ang!)

He's Human

Who knew?? Brenden is normal, and this time talking to his wasn't all that painful as it was before. I hung out with Laura and him after school today and it was so fun. I love that they don't rush home to do homework the second school is out. It's funny to because I got home at 5:00-ish and that is only half an hour later than I usually get home.

So we went to Wendy's and I got a frosty. I was contemplating getting this new frosty with Oreo stuff in it but then Laura reminded me that a frosty is nearly perfect (only if it was colder), I decided that I really shouldn't mess with a good thing. We hung around there for a while and saw Eric from MDH. It was weird seeing him, especially because Laura knew it was him at first glance, but I didn't see him and was staring intently at this other boy to see if it was Eric. He definitely knew I was staring at him too.

After that we drove Laura home and then Brenden offered to drive me home and I said no thanks but then he said that he really didn't want to go home anyways, because his mom was being a witch (my words not his). It was a fun drive and at the end I offered (very smoothly I might add) that I would give him my cell number so if he got lost he could phone me. He said that he would be fine but that he would pick it up tomorrow.

I don't think that I like him or anything, I am just so obscenely happy that I can be friends with a boy who isn't Ryan. Not that I don't love Ryan, it's just that you would have to be the scum of the earth for Ryan not to be friends with you. I guess this proves that I just have complex boy issues. Which depending on how you look at it could be a good thing. It's like the doctor has diagnosed me but just doesn't know a cure. Get it?

Okay so up for tonight, I have an immense ammount of homework and I really want to watch Gossip Girl, but I might just watch it tomorrow or Sunday, (it's on so much!) I also have to got to the manditory meeting for all choir students and their parents. But of course Ang and her mom aren't going and Tamara's mom is but she isn't. And biggest non-surprise... my mom is driving me insane. Brenden and I talked about this in his car actually. Parents suck.

I know it seems like I like him, Tamara, but I don't!
Over and out =)

WICKED!

Okay this soundtrack is amazing! I just can't help it, I love all the songs even the weird ones. So Angela, inspired by Scheck, inspired by some girl started this blog thing where you name 100 things about yourself, that you like or dislike. I'm going to try it out and see how far I get.

100. I wish I had an awe inspiring singing voice
99. I wish I would have gotten my learners when I was 14 and then my licence when I was 16. But I am almost 17 now and have neither
98. I have a car, but like it says above I can't drive it
97. I wish I wasn't as good as people think I am
96. I really want to play bass guitar in a band
95. I am in a band with my best friends Angela and Tamara
94. I listen to Relient K more than I listen to my mother
93. My parents are going to Mexico without me this February
92. I am the worst speller (okay maybe not worse than Angela), but I wish I wasn't and it really bothers me
91. I think this is going to be more about my hopes and dreams than actual things about me
90. I would have killed to be an actress when I was little
89. I put on an appearance that I am really outgoing, but Im really shy
88. I have been to Mexico before and when I went I felt like another person because I was fearless
87. I wish I didn't stress half as much as I do
86. I wish I was fearless (I pretend to be sometimes)
85. I have an addictive personality, but don't show it
84. I try not to be as dumb as I am
83. Most people are easily fooled by my 'cute little girl' appearance
82. I like practical jokes
81. I love trying to make people laugh
80. I know how to drive a smart car
79. I refuse to drive go-carts (it has to do with an incident when I was younger when my brother practically broke my leg by smashing into me)
78. I wish I wasn't scared silly about the future
77. I hope that I will end up working in the music industry
76. I hate when people use bad grammar in their writing
75. I am bossy and know it
74. I hate that I am bossy but usually can't help it
73. My kindergarten report card said I'm bossy
72. I'm not good at school
71. I have never been good at school
70. People confide in me more than I confide in them
69. Half the time I am mad for no reason
68. I refuse to get divorced when I am older, so I will probably get married when I am 30-ish
67. My parents are divorced, and I am glad
66. I don't like my step-dad because he has never tried to get to know me
65. I like my step-mom but was revolted when I found out that she hit Sarah in Mexico
64. If she ever hit me I would hit her back
63. I try to be tougher than I am
62. I have been through a lot, and I am tough
61. I never get sad, I just get mad or depressed
60. I love cheesy pop songs
59. I haven't read any tabloids in about a month
58. I gave up reading tabloids when I started back at school because they are disgusting trash, and I always knew that, but I really just didn't care anymore about Jessica Simpson's love life
57. I really miss my old TA, Mrs. Osterkampf
56. I have no clue what so ever if I am ADD or not
55. I pretend to be street smart
54. I love that I am the most rebellious out of Tamara and Ang
53. My brother gets on my nerves more times in a day than I can count
52. My new cell phone is amazing
51. I hate rap that degrades people, which is like 99% of it
50. I am 100% not racist
49. I try so hard not to judge people
48. I know it is human nature to judge and lie
47. I think I used to be a compulsive liar, but I try to tell the truth as much as I can
46. My mom is more over protective than some of the crazed moms on TV
45. My hands and feet are always cold
44. I try hard, but not hard enough for school
43. I wish I was a more rebellious person
42. I hope I don't regret too much when I am older
41. I try not to be the stereotypical dumb blonde
40. I try to write songs
39. I get discouraged easily
38. I put myself down, but don't let anyone else put me down
37. I will travel the world even though I don't do well on planes
36. British books are my favorite series mostly because of the awesome clothes and slang they use
35. I don't have much will power
34. I feel guilty eating anything from Starbucks or french fries
33. I might get plastic surgery
32. I wish I was comfortable in my skin
31. I think that I would make a good model because I am photogenic and could pose better than the girls on America's Next Top Model
30. I think that I will make a good mom
29. I think that swearing makes people seem stupid
28. I have no trouble voicing my opinion, and will fight for what I think is right
27. I wish my eyes were more green or more blue than they are
26. I hate when my glasses don't go with my outfit
25. I like being fashionable
24. I think that I am going to get cancer
23. My dad is an alcoholic
22. I could be an alcoholic when I am older because of him
21. Telling my friends that my dad is an alcoholic is one of the hardest things I have ever done
20. I wish it didn't but I think it explains a lot about me
19. I am seriously moody but I try not to be
18. I cried the second when my mom told me that she was engaged
17. I get really wrapped up in books
16. I wish I was trusted more by my friends and my family
15. I wish I stuck to my plans/goals/dreams more than I do
14. I try to make everyday good
13. I believe in God
12. I do not believe in Catholic views
11. Some of my secrets I will never ever tell anyone
10. I cannot talk to boys for the life of me
9. I love my step-sister Sarah like a sister
8. I wish I could tell who was fake easier
7. I want to Graduate this year so much
6. I don't want to go to the Grad dance without a date
5. I have never had a boy friend
4. I don't like being proved wrong, especially when Ang does it
3. Tamara and Ang's houses are like my third and fourth home
2. I really miss my old dog kirk
1. I think that I can tell the future because I had a feeling when I was younger that my parents were going to get divorced and they did, but when my mom told me I was shocked because it came out of no where

I kind of feel bad that this was so easy. I can talk about myself a lot I guess. Just to make two of my favourite girls happy I will make my blog public, except they can't comment on any past blogs. Deal??

Stronger

That's what I'm listening to right now, by Kanye West. It's actually kind of a cool song considering that he swears so much and I find swearing kind of distasteful. I guess I like the beat. So in this blog I wanted to weight my options about weather or not I should make my blog public. It's kind of funny that Angela and Tamara were so upset that I didn't want them to read my blog, I just feel like it's mine and it gets all my thoughts out in the open. And yes, sometimes I vent about them and probably in future blogs I will explain my beef with them, but I still love them to pieces.

I just decided that this blog is just for me then, figuring as whenever I have something important to say to either Tamara or Ang I phone them up ASAP. Actually that's not true, I tell them the unimportant things that are on my mind while all along I keep inside what is truly bugging me. The thing is though that over the past few years sometimes I really have no clue why I am not happy. I guess because I am so happy all the time I take brecks out of being happy or something. No that doesn't really make sense. I guess I just need a shrink.

This week has been okay seeing as how Gossip Girl started, but my friday was terrible and I didn't do too much work because I am sick and pretty much super lazy. I was planning to do tons of work friday night and all today. What a joke! I really should start pushing myself more because honestly if I keep doing this I have no one but myself to blame for not graduating.

So I just checked how much money I got from my last paycheck and I also got my smartbank or something. About 400$ all together was what it amounted to! That's exciting, so maybe not I can payback dad a bit and maybe go shopping because I honestly don't have any shirts or hoodies. I should start working as a server soon too sundays from 11-7, and maybe if I ask Orianna I could get a ride on mondays. Then I would work sundays and mondays have voice and bass guitar lessons on tuesdays (hopefully), and wednesday is junior achievement which I'm taking with Brieanne and then thursdays I should go to the gym I think and fridays I will probably go with Karen to this ballroom dancing thing. It sounds like a lot, but I need to stay focused this year and I honestly could do that better if I have tons of things going on. It might make sense to some people and others like my mom, think I am crazy.

Well I think I should go and take Amarock out for a walk and then work on math, or maybe read Harry Potter. Wait stay focused!

I'm Begging You To Be My Escape

Relient K's fairly famous song that I absolutely cannot stop listening to.

Today was okay again, it had its ups and downs. Mostly downs it seems like. Biggest bummer? The fact that I can't talk to boys, mainly Brenden. It doesn't even matter anymore I am just a case, a basket case most likely. I asked Feden about it today and she was trying to figure out the cure, except that doctors and scientists are too busy finding the cure for cancer that they can't make a cure for me and my incompetence talking with boys.

Honestly with me it's either you can't shut me up or I'm just not talking. No medium. It is rather frustrating actually. Last year when I tried to talk to Matt Anchorman on the bus to bowling it was simple impossible. He is way smarter then me with actual ambitions after school, not like me at all. Then there was the fact that we didn't share any similar interests. We tried to talk, honestly but he likes shows that I don't watch and he comes from a big family and I only have my brother. Basically it was doomed from the beginning.

Okay So...

Many things have been bothering me lately but nothing really that I can fix. My friends seem different this year and when I was talking to Feden this year I really realized how different we are. Different isn't bad, but it is different. It was kind of funny describing Tamara and Angela to her because I guess what she figured they were like, they were anything but. Sometimes I love my friends to death and wonder how I could have ever lived my life before them and then other times it's like we are from different planets. I don't know if this is normal, not that normal is what I am trying to achieve in my life because with me it's everything but.

Today on the bus I was talking to Ruel and he is okay, but only in small doses. I figured that out today, some people are just like that. But I was telling him all about my weird and awesome day yesterday with Laura and Brendon (this new and really cute boy I met through Laura), and they decided that we should hold up posters that say free hugs and basically hug random strangers. I was nervous but I knew it would be fun, and guess what? It totally was. Honestly I get a rush sometimes when I'm being really outgoing, but of course that's Laura 24/7. I love being with her and bringing out that side of me. The side that isn't afraid of what people say and do everything because I want to not because I have to. This brings back old feelings of Mexico for me.

Mexico will always be this place of incredible freedom for me where I practically found out who I am when I am with out any stress. It was exhilarating to almost be someone completely different by being so chill. I knew that I wasn't actually being someone different, but I was being the person that is so often hidden at Carroll and at home and even sometimes with friends. I loved it.

It is kind of funny that in Mexico I was the goody-goody in the group. I did drink, lots but I wasn't really a bad ass and I was always kind of the odd one out. I don't think that anyone in the group actually minded but it's just the fact that I will never be that girl, and even though I don't want to be that girl I still feel the need to step outside my boundaries once in a while. But at school it's like I am the bad girl and that is a complete joke. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the one that begged my friends to let loose once in a while. I figure that while you are a teenager, it's the only time in life that you can actually be a teenager. For example, when you are an adult, you cannot wear that cute mini skirt to work, but if it's not too short you can wear it to school. And if it is too short, then what? The teachers are going to send you home? I don't think so.

I don't know if this makes any sense, I will probably read it later and wonder what I was thinking, but for right now it is the best thing I have.

Three! Two! One!

Okay kids, we have all been counting all year to when summer would be and it came and went in what seems like a blink of an eye. Anyone agree? Anyway today I was talking to my mom today after she made me help her make jam, and she was asking me if I was excited for school. And me, being honest said no. See the thing is that I will be behind in school the second that I step into the school. Bishop Carroll, my school, is a weird school where you work at your own pace and there aren't classes really, just lots of desks and books. I love all the people that I have met at Carroll, honestly I do, but I can't help wonder if I should have gone to a different high school.

I always choose the weird schools though. When I was in grade 6 I knew that I wanted to go to Madeleine d'Houet a french immersion school while everyone I knew was going to the designated school, St. Vincent. Which by the way is 5 minutes from my dad's house, while Madeleine d'Houet is 20+ minutes. It doesn't really matter, but like I was saying before I always choose the different school in hopes of making my parents especially happy by being a gifted kid. You see both of my parents are extremely smart, they both skipped two grades, my dad even went to college when he was 16! Basically I don't have anything that I excel in. I have played soccer since I was 6 or something but its more for fun than anything. I definately can't bend it like Beckham!

That's all the ranting I can do for today. Thanks for reading