Okay So...

Many things have been bothering me lately but nothing really that I can fix. My friends seem different this year and when I was talking to Feden this year I really realized how different we are. Different isn't bad, but it is different. It was kind of funny describing Tamara and Angela to her because I guess what she figured they were like, they were anything but. Sometimes I love my friends to death and wonder how I could have ever lived my life before them and then other times it's like we are from different planets. I don't know if this is normal, not that normal is what I am trying to achieve in my life because with me it's everything but.

Today on the bus I was talking to Ruel and he is okay, but only in small doses. I figured that out today, some people are just like that. But I was telling him all about my weird and awesome day yesterday with Laura and Brendon (this new and really cute boy I met through Laura), and they decided that we should hold up posters that say free hugs and basically hug random strangers. I was nervous but I knew it would be fun, and guess what? It totally was. Honestly I get a rush sometimes when I'm being really outgoing, but of course that's Laura 24/7. I love being with her and bringing out that side of me. The side that isn't afraid of what people say and do everything because I want to not because I have to. This brings back old feelings of Mexico for me.

Mexico will always be this place of incredible freedom for me where I practically found out who I am when I am with out any stress. It was exhilarating to almost be someone completely different by being so chill. I knew that I wasn't actually being someone different, but I was being the person that is so often hidden at Carroll and at home and even sometimes with friends. I loved it.

It is kind of funny that in Mexico I was the goody-goody in the group. I did drink, lots but I wasn't really a bad ass and I was always kind of the odd one out. I don't think that anyone in the group actually minded but it's just the fact that I will never be that girl, and even though I don't want to be that girl I still feel the need to step outside my boundaries once in a while. But at school it's like I am the bad girl and that is a complete joke. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the one that begged my friends to let loose once in a while. I figure that while you are a teenager, it's the only time in life that you can actually be a teenager. For example, when you are an adult, you cannot wear that cute mini skirt to work, but if it's not too short you can wear it to school. And if it is too short, then what? The teachers are going to send you home? I don't think so.

I don't know if this makes any sense, I will probably read it later and wonder what I was thinking, but for right now it is the best thing I have.